Unbalance + Balance

I think my blog has been getting a bit too serious of late, so I thought I might balance it up with something funny that I saw off a blog of a friend of a friend. We have all been there but I think it takes guts to give an answer like this to an exam question:



Now, why didn't I think of it first ...

Lost and Found - What Goes Around Comes Around -

I lost a best friend once, but now I found him again ... and the magical thing is that even though our lives have been running parallel for around 10 years, the love between us has never diminished and we moved on from the point that we left it.

I lost my phone book when I went back to Singapore for the first time in almost 3 years in 2000., since arriving in Australia. It was a great loss, not only because of all the contact phone numbers which I had not backed up, but also the little notes that I wrote in there to remind myself of the pain of losing someone. At that time, I still had my core contacts via email, so I didn't worry too much, but there was a particular friend that I missed, and miraculously, through a dream he had, that brought me back to him, we reconnected.

After going through all possible avenues to try to contact me (even trying websites to see if somehow I had gained fame), he wrote a letter to my home address and my kind brother Julian, typed it out for me. I screamed for joy when I saw the letter and the memories flowed ... I had missed him a lot.

The reunion was bitter-sweet. Bitter because of all those lost years but sweet because the connection we had, had not faded. It is so wonderful to find something that we lost once, and so good to know that our core values have kept our hearts together.

In his latest email, he "returned" a poem that I sent him almost 10 years ago on the 3rd April 1996. I had forgotten how much I loved that poem, but then it is probably because I have it ingrained in my everyday life, I live and breathe it. It was and still is a wonderful gift and like he said, it is time for it to resurface again.

Friendships lie on my very core and my relationships define who I am. I am proud of every relationship I have with my family and friends and if I don't say it enough, I just want to say "I love you all" once again ...

Around The Corner: By Henson Towne

Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine
if, we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
"Tomorrow" I say "I will call on Jim"
"Just to show that I'm thinking of him."
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner!- yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram sir"
"Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.

Remember to always say what you mean. If you love someone, tell them. Don't be afraid to express yourself. Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you. Because when you decide that it is the right time, it might be too late. Seize the day. Never have regrets. And most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today. It doesn't have to be the kind of boy-girl type of love, it may be the friendship that you treasure and the love that you have for your family members and relatives. Somewhere in time, you will feel regrets of not telling someone that you've lost, how much you love them. So, don't let that happen to you.

I don't think I wrote the above passage, but like I said before, I must have it ingrained in my life. It was probably during a time when I faced the possibility of losing my grandma, which opened my eyes to the importance of expressing love whenever we find the chance. Now, I hug my parents every single time I see them, and it leaves a very special feeling in all of us. If there is one fear that you must conquer in your life, let it be saying "I love you" ...

The Tall and Short of Irony

I take the same bus to work everyday and alight at the same stop with a lady dwarf or what someone would call a pigmy. The only other person I sort of know which is also a dwarf is a brother of a classmate at primary school. Then, since we were all growing up and taller, it didn't make too much a difference but then, I still remember him attracting stares from everyone. I also remember that he had a strong presence. It could be a facade but he held it well, ready to challenge anyone who was ready to tease.

I just started noticing this lady recently, especially once when she kindly gestured me to move ahead of her during alighting in a crowded bus. She also had that strong presence, and she seemed comfortable with the stares that people were probably donating her way. There was a part of me that has always felt like reaching out to more "disadvantaged" people, like picking the quietest in the group and speaking to them, and acts like this, but I didn't do it here.

Today, as I stepped out of the train, I noticed a lady who was towering over everyone. She was easily 2.3 m tall with a huge bone structure which easily attracted everyone's attention. I felt a little guilty for staring , maybe I was trying to see if she was a drag queen to start off with, but I quickly dispelled it, and was more interested to see how she perceived all the attention she received. She had a poker face but I could see that she was probably more uncomfortable than the dwarf is. She looked like she wished that people would not see her as a "freak" (especially when I passed by some schoolgirls who exclaimed "Wow!"), and she looked smaller than she was.

A part of me wanted to go over and say "I know how you feel", but then I don't ... really. What right do we have to walk over and say things like that? They are after all, perfectly normal human beings. We all have our imperfections, natural and cultivated. Thankfully, for most of us, it is ingrained in our behaviours or preferences, and not as glaring physically, so we might not "stand out" as easily, but still, we have our differences, and why should we be judged because of these.

I wondered if it could be compared to celebrities and all that attention, both of which could be unwanted. I know how uncomfortable I would feel in their shoes and would need to build my character strong to withstand this everyday. Maybe they are the lucky ones, because they have a physical reminder to do so, while some of us idle away and whittle at every challenge presented. I know how many people dread losing one of their senses or our limbs as if that will be the downfall and the end of our lives. We tend to forget how strong these people can actually be ... even more than those who are perfectly "normal" or common, and that is a lesson to learn.

Mother Teresa

What does it take for one to be someone as wonderful as Mother Teresa? She was probably just as human as you and I, but the love that she had in her inspires. When God took her away, we lost an important voice preaching of empathy ...

What we have today in the world, are endless technological advances to help improve our life, designs to help us communicate with more strangers in the world, images to enjoy and appreciate, immediate news to educate, but yet we are losing our basic values of empathy.

As I lay engrossed in my new wonderful book "My Life So Far" by the incredible Jane Fonda, I am reminded of the wars that Ms Fonda has been through, fighting for the end of the Vietnam war, and being misunderstood for being unpatriotic because she wanted to end the war. I have been through some wars, not actively fighting in it, but against the latest, through the peace marches that were held in Sydney before the Iraq War started. Many have compared it to Vietnam, which I can only recollect through images on film, but in any war, there are only losers, no winners. There are people who lose their lives, their families, their loves ...



One quote in the book stands out:

"The problem with the world is that we draw the circle of our family too small" - Mother Teresa

Jane Fonda adds:

"There must be a stepping back, a looking at the big picture. Stepping back is hard when your life has been traumatised and hatred has built up against the "enemy" and against those who opposed the war and seemed to have sided with the enemy. This is why wars begun unnecessarily and for the wrong reasons - like the one we are fighting in Iraq as I write this - develop a momentum of revenge and justification. We have to keep going. Our men and women can't have died in vain. The people on the other side are truly evil. If we pull out now, we'll lose our credibility. Better to continue to send Americans to fight and perhaps die than to say we made a mistake."

I stand guilty on Mother Teresa's quote that we draw the lines of family too small, but I know I am not alone. I may not love the next stranger as much as I love my friends and my family, but I believe I practise empathy for all people. Most humans have empathy for the less fortunate, but sometimes, we can only seem to stomach them in small batches. The tragedy of 9/11, Bali, Tsunami, New Orleans and now the earthquakes in India and Pakistan all brought forth the best in mankind. The uniform tears for the tragedies and the numerous fundraising events, but these are "small" incidents as opposed to everyday poverty and AIDS in the world. There was the infamous ad about the number of people dying of these "causes" that had to be pulled out because it was too confronting to the governments and the superpowers of the world to react to them. When will people start realising that AIDS is no longer a gay man's disease but an epidemic in impoverished countries like Africa and is rapidly spreading to developing countries all around the world who are too poor to afford the advanced medical supplies to help sustain life.

An article linking AIDS and poverty: http://www.makepovertyhistory.org/whatwewant/povertyaids.shtml

I am not asking you to cradle an AIDS infected baby like Princess Diana did, but the world can do with a lot of less prejudice and more love, empathy and awareness. We look at the number of people who died and we sigh. I think we sometimes fail to think that like you and I, they have feelings and they have loved ones and they have families who are going to mourn their loss as much as we would. Not only for the dead but also for those suffering from poverty and the innocent Iraqis suffering the effects of war. Maybe even the soldiers who are fighting in Iraq that may not like what they are doing, but are helpless. We don't get to see many images because we are shielded from the effects of the war, but we can imagine what it would feel like if it happened to us, and hence empathy settles ...

If we are too withdrawn from these issues because we live in developed countries, we can look into our daily lives to see how we exclude people. Just my everyday trip to and from work can easily show how selfish people are sometimes. On overcrowded trains or buses, people like to stand near the exits even when they are not due to alight till much later. I feel like screaming at them to get moving or people who hog onto two seats with their "fat asses" to spare a thought, but I don't want to be one of those angry people, so I know though I am empathising, I am not doing my part. I want to tell them that we are just all as eager as they are to get home and we all have families or someone to get home to, as much as they do.

We have to look within us to find the Mother Teresa within. I do volunteer work because I love to help the less fortunate (than I am) to have a better life, but sometimes, I wonder if people will not donate or attend a fundraiser only if there is a major drawcard like a celebrity attached to it, to glamorise the whole cause. This defeats the whole purpose to charitable work (not the celebrities fault but sometimes ours) where the point of it is to educate, increase awareness and assist. The glamour of the position does not attract me but the smiles from those affected does. It is this power of influence that I am interested in, not in the power of control.

Like many, I feel small and insignificant sometimes, but I will never cease to speak up for my rights. In a land that I now choose to call my home, there are still many issues that we can sometimes feel helpless about, but speaking about it in public forums like this and having discussions, will hopefully increase awareness, and the importance of empathy. We need to be aware in order to be able to form an opinion. Like many of you, I used to hide behind and listen when people talk about politics or I choose to walk away because politics is too difficult, or it is not for me. Little was I aware of how infectious it is, and how my daily life options can be limited by this lack of knowledge and opinion. I was dumb then but I want to educate now. It is important for us to read and listen, and for us to discuss as objectively as possible (with facts), so that we can recognise injustice and speak against it when it occurs. In the process, we become stronger and better human beings, and hopefully create awareness amongst the ignorant.

I believe the ongoing natural disasters are a sign that we (or the superpowers) have become heartless and we need a leader who can truly inspire us to set thins right, but in the absence of that, we have to fight within our environments by doing the right things.

This is a long and endless journey but we are not alone, and we will never be, because we can all be like Mother Teresas, if only we think and practise the love within us to include and to be proud of who we are.

Crimson

To me, "Crimson" will always be Akina's definitive album. Akina has a tough yet feminine style that distinguished her from the rest of the singers, but she was maturing as a singer as well, and "Crimson" definitely helped to strengthen this case. She has just endured some of the worst reviews of career with her previous album " 不思議", which was unfortunate because it was an innovative album way ahead of its time. Listened today, it does not lose any of its freshness and it is a marvel that a top artiste like Akina would constantly seek for challenges in her career instead of sticking to a winning formula. Maybe she was reeling off the surprise success of the album before that, "D404ME", which was also of a futuristic concept, which led her to move on to "不思議". Not that "不思議" was a failure. The first week sales were 94,500 copies (9.45 万枚) but the total sales was a rather dismal 46.4万枚 as compared to "D404ME", whose first week sales were 99,590 (9.96万枚) ending with 65.1万枚, making it Akina's second best selling original album.

Proving that this was not a downturn in her career, she released a highly anticipated new album on the X'Mas Eve of 1986, "Crimson", which was a talking point at that time because of the composers of the album, making it one of the first times that a top artiste has used only female composers in an album. Enlisting the talents of 竹内まりや (Takeuchi Mariya) and 小林明子 (Kobyashi Akiko), they created a woman's album of all time. Akina's rendition of their songs were softer and presented a more matured and feminine sound that was previously unheard.

It was an instant hit, entering (not surprisingly) the Oricon album chart at No. 1 with sales of 105,770 copies (10.58 万枚) , the second highest first week sales of Akina's career at that time (her career No. 1 was for "Possibility" - 109,890 copies). It may have been the disappointment of some fans with "不思議" that prompted the strong first week sales but fans embraced the album, staying at the pole position for 4 week and making it one of her best selling albums totalling 60.1万枚.

The magic of "Crimson" is evident from the first song, where it opens with the bustle of New York and the opening song "Mind Game" and moves slowly onto evergreens and classics like "駅", " 約束", "OH NO,OH YES !" and "ミック・ジャガ－に微笑みを" (Mick Jagger's Smile) ending with the opening of the door and back into the city. This elegant album mostly made up of ballads and some mid tempo numbers helped showcase Akina's versatility and new found maturity and femininity.

I will never forget the day I bought the cassette when it was released. I loved every single song and at that time, it was my first Akina album that WEA has included a booklet in the cassette. The photos were mostly black and white in conjunction with the album's concept and were exquisitely shot. I remember calling my friend, Terence, after every song and exclaiming "Oh, my God, this is so good.", and played them through the phone with the earphone on the headset.

"Crimson" is thoroughly enjoyable and the arrangement on the last song is most original, and never repeated. It started a "love-hate" affair with 竹内まりや because it is evident that Akina admires her very much as a songwriter and loves the songs deeply, constantly choosing them again for her concerts, but she would have felt the hurt of the comments that Mariya's husband (山下達郎 Yamashita Tatsuro) made in the inner sleeves of Mariya's album "Request" when he wrote that the a top singer (not naming Akina) has sung the song "駅" badly, thus prompting him to encourage Mariya to do the song some justice. Thankfully, it was pointed out recently on Tien's blog that he has changed his opinion and that it was the arrangement of the song that he disliked.

"駅" has long since withstood time to be the definitive song of the album and a fan's favourite. Many other singers have covered it since, even Richard Marx, and even though it was Mariya who popularised the song, she sang it in her signature light style which to me, didn't really suit the theme of the song, which was about the rediscovery of lost love and the final realisation that their love was still evident even though they had both moved on. Akina's melancholic rendition on the album was perfect and I strongly recommend watching Akina's live performance of "駅" in her 1997 Felicidad Concert, which is extremely moving.

At the pinnacle of her career, Akina has achieved another successful album that is a classic, beautiful tunes to relax and sway to different moods of any day. Today, Akina's talent is evident, not only as a singer but also as producer of the album (another achievement), because of the timeless albums that she has carved for her career. She can be truly proud of every challenge she has mastered and conquered, which is why the magic of Akina still enraptures some new audience today.

Incidentally, more than 15 years ago while flipping through reference books at the National Library, I browsed through a book "The 200 Best Album Covers" and to my surprise and delight, in this book published in the US, was the cover of "Crimson" ...

Heaven is ...

A few months back, I read with interest, an entry on Tien's blog about a Japanese drama that she has just watched 「世界の中心で、愛をさけぶ」. When we went to Japan together, I watched as Tien and Eugin bought the box set and wondered if there it was so good that I would have to watch it one day too. I have not watched Japanese drama series for more than a year now, believing that our lives could be consumed with the characters in the series, so the thought stayed with me.



When I came back to Australia, somehow at the back of my head, I searched for the drama series, trying to convince myself, but still I resisted when I saw it. A few weeks back, as interest accumulated, I succumbed after it was placed on further discount and hence, made more available.

The story line, as Tien described is simple, and it spoke of everlasting love between the two lead characters. You would know from the beginning that it is a tragedy not only from Tien's review and the blurb at the back, but also because the drama series is adapted from a very famous book and movie, and is based on true life events in the author's life, hence making it more essential viewing for me. The time spent between the two overs were short, but their love is nothing short of a miracle ...

My verdict: I loved it and it is one of the best dramas that I have watched in a long time. As I sobbed through most episodes and progressed towards the end, a part of me wanted to stop there. Just like the episode of "Friends" where Rachel decided to put the book "Little Women" into the freezer because Joey was starting to get a little sad that Beth was going to die, I didn't want to finish the series, so that in my "reality", maybe the characters will live forever, and I wouldn't need to witness the end.

Denial is a very powerful force, and I know that we all practise that sometimes so that we don't have to face up to harsh realities at difficult times. I succumbed eventually, but I was happy that I did, because I stumbled upon one of the most beautiful lines ...

As Aki was dying in Saku's embrace, Saku asked her where she was going to, because she told Saku once that she doesn't believe that we go to another world when we die. She replied that there is still a heaven in the skies. As she slipped into deadly unconsciousness and woke up momentarily, she said "There is no other world. There is also no heaven. Because this ... life is heaven ...". I sobbed with realisation at how we take things in life for granted. We lament about our misfortunes and what we don't have, not realising that the fact that we have a life, and we can breathe, eat, walk, run, shit, and dream ... and it is not something that everyone can do and that in itself, life is actually heaven ...

This drama series also reminded me of how I dealt with my own beloved grandma's impending death in 1997. I will never forget that day when I spent some time alone with her on her sickbed, and shedding a few tears while I sang her a little lullaby as I stroked her hair. She looked at my tears and turned away. It was at that point, looking at her, that reality struck me that I might lose her, and I was losing it myself. A kind nurse told me later that I should never cry in front of patients and why should I cry when she was actually getting better in my presence. She told me she could see how much my grandma loved me, because she was actually feeling better that day. I wiped my tears and smiled. It was her love for me that I could see, there and then ...

Even though she is no longer with us today, like Aki said in the movie, she lives in our hearts. In our every footstep in life that we take, the joys and the pains ... till the very end.

Life is where heaven is. Loving and being loved. All the good and the bad times. Being alive is enough for us to celebrate. We would all like to experience the kind of love that Saku and Aki had, but we should be practical. They had a short time to prove their love while for some of us, we have a lifetime, no matter how long it may be. Even if we never find that one special person in our lives, look around us, the friendships, the relationships, the kinship ... this is where heaven is.



- My grandma and part of the 25 grandchildren and greatgrandchildren she had.



- I don't think many people has seen this photo because I dug it out this morning from a "get well" card that I made for my grandma, and in it was this only photo I could find then, of just the two of us together. I was proud that she loved the card because I found the courage in it to say "Thank you for your love and I love you."