Happy Birthday my beautiful sister.
You were my perfect "partner in crime" though you were always too good to be bad, if you know what I mean. Since I am almost three years older than you are, and I grew up practically alone until you came along, I can't really remember playing with you while you were a baby. I do remember our years together as children, playing games with our neighbours and cousins downstairs or along the corridors of our flat, and especially how we were angry with Julian once, and in a fit of anger and frustration, how he stormed back to our flat, only to be trapped in the lift. It was funny to us then, but not so much later when we both received a scolding from Mum for abandoning him.
I also remember how you would always stand up brave and purchase toy cars for Julian, who was always too shy to go into the store himself. You would always have your revenge when you would shout from the store with the car in your hand, pretending that you weren't sure, back to Julian who would probably be hiding near a bush, if that was the right purchase. I remember the secret delight that we both share from watching him squirm and run away immediately, but he wouldn't let us go later with his signature stares and pinches that we would suffer.
I don't know why it wasn't me because I was more like a spectator withdrawn, looking into this more intimate relationship that you share with him. Maybe, subconsciously, I was a little jealous of the two of you, or that I was trying to find my place in this world, constantly being reminded by Mum to set an example for the two of you, that I felt a little more isolated, as a result of that.
I know that I wasn't a good example of a brother because I don't think I showered my love or was capable of sheltering you or Julian, and I can only hope that I did my share in my adult years to make it all up. The only time I can remember doing so is playing truant with you for our English tuition lessons with Mrs Pathirana.
I feel guilty sometimes for doing that because she looked like she needed the money, and also because we lied to Dad and Mum. I think it was my rebellion against being cooped up in a birdcage and constantly being monitored and told what to do. Ah ... I guess it's all part of growing up. Still, part of me will never regret doing that because it was our little world that I created, and for once, I did not have to compete with anyone else. It was our secret until it was exposed. We paid a price for it, but nothing can take away the joys I felt, the first time I can remember being a good brother to you, in spite of the irony.
If there was anything I can undo and relive again, I wish that you had the opportunity like Julian and I to travel to another country and lead an independent life before you got married. The time away from our comfort zones allowed us to see ourselves for who we are, to realise and believe in what we are truly capable of. I wish you realise what a strong, wonderful, loving, giving and beautiful person you truly are, contrary to what you may believe. I hope it is not too late for you to realise that only you can make a decision on what you want in life. If you should ever need any love and support, I will always be there for you.
So, for your birthday this year, I wish you strength, love, happiness, and opportunities to many wonders of this world, be it to travel or thrilling self discovery. Thank you for everything that you bring to my life, the joys, the pain, everything, especially my beautiful niece and nephew, whom I adore, as if they were mine. Thank you for accepting and loving me just for who I am, not who you want me to be. I want you to know that I love you very much as well.
As I mentioned on the night of your wedding, there is no one else that I can think of as a better sister and friend, and I want to be there for you if you should ever feel you need someone to hang on to. Thank you Jen.
